it's beginning to look a lot like christmas - no it shouldn't!

In need of overpriced thank you cards, I decided to go to Crystal Court at South Coast Plaza on Monday, November 3rd. Towering before me, as if I was Frodo at the base of Mount Doom, a gargantuan Christmas tree was in the middle of the building, towering 3-stories high. If I was apprehensive, I’m sure the floor would soon be stained with the pee dribblings from little kids. One of the Santas on the tree was headless. Headless.

santa's little helper left his crack pipe on top of the tree

Apparently I missed the memo when Christmas season began at 12:01 AM on November 1st. Again, it was November 3rd. That is only four days past Halloween, 24 days to Thanksgiving and 52 days to Christmas. If elementary mathematics and Price is Right logic still apply, November 3rd is closer to Thanksgiving since Halloween is over. Why the hell is there a Christmas tree in front of me? If the South Coast Plaza elves want a tree so badly, we should campaign to make the Thanksgiving Giblets Tree – I started to design a graphic of that, got grossed out and quit. You are welcome.

Shaking my fist in the air, I decided to get a Starbucks. My venti, nonfat, vanilla latte was in a red, holiday cup. Apparently Starbucks got the memo. I still have not. Starbucks also has invented a new letter for the alphabet and used it for the spelling of my name. Gosh damnit.

wtf?!?