After an excruciating week, which included long lunches, dinners, too much drinking and vegan food, I decided to treat myself and get a pedicure. Half way through my pampering a man entered the spa and requested a mani/pedi. First off, when I man wants a mani/pedi you stop and pay attention. I was a bit honored that he chose the spot next to me, but the second he started speaking I was ready to rip the nail file from my manicurist’s hand and stab the man in the eye. After a while I couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth so I started taking notes on my cell phone. This is what was actually conversed:
“I just got in from the Philippines I am here looking for property I saw your sign but you were closed last night so I looked you up on the Web and saw I could come in today for services because I have been tired from my time in the Philippines I would get manicures and pedicures often in the Philippines and in the Philippines if a man walked into a salon you would be stared at because manicures and pedicures are not common for men in the Philippines so I just flew in from the Philippines and I’m looking for a property in either Orange County, Los Angeles or San Diego something on a hill like how I lived in the Philippines I lived in the Philippines for business I’m not going back to the Philippines I need a cell phone, a pager and a haircut before I look for a house in either Orange County, Los Angeles or San Diego by the way I am looking for a house on a hill in either Orange County, Los Angeles or San Diego I don’t get along with my cousins one cousin visited me in the Philippines in the Philippines you walk everywhere so I am trying to smooth my feet since I am looking for a house in Orange County, Los Angeles or San Diego I need to learn where everything is located since I was in the Philippines but I am not going back to the Philippines where I lived for a long time where I had to walk everywhere that’s why my feet are so rough because of the walking in the Philippines…”
I went home and drafted the following letter:
Dear Philippines,
XOXO
Adele
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