Due to the fact that I have a life, as meager as it is, I have been keeping up-to-date with my cinema and have had no time for movie reviews. I realized this as I was watching an ad announcing Push coming to DVD. Since there have been a lot of movies out lately I decided to review each movie within four sentences starting with …
Push
Why is this movie so familiar? Oh that’s right; I once saw an episode of Heroes. The Gelfling eyes of Dakota Fanning scared the hell out of me and made me have nightmares for a week. Chris Evans was awesome and hot.
Push
Why is this movie so familiar? Oh that’s right; I once saw an episode of Heroes. The Gelfling eyes of Dakota Fanning scared the hell out of me and made me have nightmares for a week. Chris Evans was awesome and hot.
dakota fanning in push
Watchmen
This is for the 99% of the people who saw this movie and did not read the graphic novel – I was promised an action movie! I get that it is a political story, but that is not how it came across in the trailers and I for one feel betrayed and angry. I saw this in IMAX and did not need to see an angry 80-foot tall blue penis for two hours. Patrick Wilson was awesome and hot.
I Love You, Man
I’m slappin’ the base! Enough said. Paul Rudd was awesome and hot.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
For the love of all that is holy; what a horrible movie. Half of the “mutants” were as threatening as a Care Bear. Ryan Reynolds was awesome and hot. Not you Hugh, you made me watch this monstrosity!
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
I am embarrassed I went to see this. You will never believe the ending – he learned his lesson and will forever be a great guy. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Star Trek
I have never been into the whole Star Trek phenomenon, and do make fun of the occasional Trekkie, but I have to comment that this was one of the best movies of the year. Chris Pine was awesome and uber hot.
Angels & Demons
If you didn’t read the book and have a hard time concentrating, you are SOL. Nice cut Mr. Hanks. Ewan McGregor was awesome and hot.
Terminator Salvation
McG, Common, Jadagrace – does anyone have a last name anymore? Oh wait, Moon Bloodgood does. I am thankful for seeing this movie because it introduced me to Sam Worthington. Sam Worthington was awesome and uber hot (note the italics).
This is for the 99% of the people who saw this movie and did not read the graphic novel – I was promised an action movie! I get that it is a political story, but that is not how it came across in the trailers and I for one feel betrayed and angry. I saw this in IMAX and did not need to see an angry 80-foot tall blue penis for two hours. Patrick Wilson was awesome and hot.
I Love You, Man
I’m slappin’ the base! Enough said. Paul Rudd was awesome and hot.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
For the love of all that is holy; what a horrible movie. Half of the “mutants” were as threatening as a Care Bear. Ryan Reynolds was awesome and hot. Not you Hugh, you made me watch this monstrosity!
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
I am embarrassed I went to see this. You will never believe the ending – he learned his lesson and will forever be a great guy. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Star Trek
I have never been into the whole Star Trek phenomenon, and do make fun of the occasional Trekkie, but I have to comment that this was one of the best movies of the year. Chris Pine was awesome and uber hot.
Angels & Demons
If you didn’t read the book and have a hard time concentrating, you are SOL. Nice cut Mr. Hanks. Ewan McGregor was awesome and hot.
Terminator Salvation
McG, Common, Jadagrace – does anyone have a last name anymore? Oh wait, Moon Bloodgood does. I am thankful for seeing this movie because it introduced me to Sam Worthington. Sam Worthington was awesome and uber hot (note the italics).
we are getting married in October by the seaThe Hangover
Naked “Leslie Chow” jumping out of a trunk? You cannot get any funnier than that. Bradley Cooper was awesome and hot.
The Proposal
Romantic comedy? More like make-me-feel-guilty-and-want-to-bake-Betty-White-a-cake movie. Plus seeing Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds naked pretty much made the whole theater want to drown their sorrows in buttered popcorn. Ryan Reynolds was awesome and hot.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
This movie had it all – racism, sexism, the lamest transformer ever, a tongue on a long-metal Transformer tongue, robots in disguise trying to destroy the one ring to rule them all in Mount Doom, the mother eating pot brownies and hilarity ensuing, complicated plot, robot balls, “actors” who you would smack if you ran into them on the street and Megan Fox’s alien thumbs. At least there wasn’t a helicopter flying into the sunset. Oh wait, it’s Michael Bay so there was 80 of those shots. I was hoping Bumble Bee would transform into an alarm clock to wake me up from the “action”.
Naked “Leslie Chow” jumping out of a trunk? You cannot get any funnier than that. Bradley Cooper was awesome and hot.
The Proposal
Romantic comedy? More like make-me-feel-guilty-and-want-to-bake-Betty-White-a-cake movie. Plus seeing Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds naked pretty much made the whole theater want to drown their sorrows in buttered popcorn. Ryan Reynolds was awesome and hot.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
This movie had it all – racism, sexism, the lamest transformer ever, a tongue on a long-metal Transformer tongue, robots in disguise trying to destroy the one ring to rule them all in Mount Doom, the mother eating pot brownies and hilarity ensuing, complicated plot, robot balls, “actors” who you would smack if you ran into them on the street and Megan Fox’s alien thumbs. At least there wasn’t a helicopter flying into the sunset. Oh wait, it’s Michael Bay so there was 80 of those shots. I was hoping Bumble Bee would transform into an alarm clock to wake me up from the “action”.
90% of the movie
Bruno
I never thought I would say this, but way too much penis.
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
These adorable 30-year-olds are making me go to a midnight showing – that is huge. The spirit of Robert Pattinson was awesome and hot.
G.I. Joe
This hasn’t even come out yet, I know it will suck, but I am not going to give this a bad review because I do not want to make Channing Tatum cry. Channing Tatum is awesome and uber hot.
can your crush do this?
i am divorcing sam in november and marrying channing in december by the sea
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