women are screwed from year 1

A couple months back I was watching my friends' daughter at her house. We were playing princess party with our old friends Belle, Cinderella, Jasmine, Arora, Snow White, Aerial and Beast. Yes someone invited Beast and guess who had to be Beast? Quickly getting bored, she asked if we could watch Beauty and the Beast on DVD and I happily abided since I had not seen the movie, probably since it came out when I was in 8th grade.

Gaston was a dick.

Beast is a bit of a dick too.

Belle whines too much.

Lumiere is a very dirty old man.

Babette is a whore.

We get to the scene that was the jaw-dropping moment back in 1991 when Belle and Beast dance in the grand ballroom while nosy Mrs. Potts sings Beauty and the Beast. My little friend starts wiggling eagerly in her chair, clasping her Belle and Beast dolls harder and beginning to smile. While still looking at the television she tells me "Watch, here comes the magic." Belle and Beast then share a tender moment.

It hit me on the drive home from their house... she is 3 years old! At 3 years old she knew "the magic was coming". You have got to be kidding me! From this simple statement I finally had my epiphany and realized that we are conditioned from an early age, maybe even birth if our mother went to Disneyland while she was prego, that we, women, need romance.

We are waiting for Prince Philip to slay the dragon (dragon can be ex boyfriend, angry father, angry mother, pimp) and take us away to his castle that we can immediatley redecorate with fixtures and pillows from Pottery Barn. We want Prince Philip to give us a million dollar budget for our wedding at Pelican Hill. We want him to beat up guys who look at us. We want him to buy us a new car because he thought the car color would bring out the highlights in our eyes.

this is not romance

Disney is not the only perp. An author by the name of Stephanie Meyer decided to write a love story about a vampire and oridinary girl overcoming all odds and falling in love. The Twilight series has managed to f*up another generation of girls who now expect their true loves to fight werewolves or rude McDonald's patrons for them. Don't believe me? You can now join the Facebook group "Because of Edward Cullen, human boys have lost their charm". Yes, I am a member.
Maybe next time I babysit we'll watch Charlie Brown cartoons.